Chasing Roots: A Reflection on Grief, Growth, and Coming Home to Myself

I was 29 when my mom passed away, and 30 when I lost my dad. The past three years have been a journey through deep grief - a season of feeling, healing, and reflecting.

When I look back on my life, it’s clear: my parents made me who I am. They believed in me endlessly. They never told me a dream was too big, too wild, or too far away. Their belief became my foundation.

One of my earliest memories is from a camping trip in Arizona when I was four or five. We had just left Las Vegas, and back in the '90s, the best souvenir a kid could collect from casinos were those plastic coin buckets. When we got to our campsite, I got to work. I filled those buckets with “premium” Arizona dirt, topped them with the finest sticks I could find, and dragged a camp table around to the back of our RV. I made a sign: “For Sale: $20.”
I sold out in 20 minutes.
That was my first business. And looking back, I think it taught me something I’ve carried ever since — anything is possible when you believe in it.

Growing up, I was deeply involved in 4-H. I spent over a decade raising animals, competing in cooking contests, learning to speak in public, and gaining life skills that school couldn’t teach. I eventually earned the highest rank: All Star.

In high school, I joined the City of Redding’s Youth Action Council — a program that gave me leadership opportunities most adults don’t get. I thrived. I learned to lead, collaborate, and contribute to my community in meaningful ways.

And at the heart of all this was our home — always full, always open.
Literally, our front door was rarely closed. Friends, neighbors, and family came and went. We hosted parties, shared meals, and made room for everyone. My childhood bestie, Lacy (shoutout to my forever sister), became family. Mashed potatoes for all.

Now, as I continue to walk through grief, I find myself returning to what mattered most:
I want to make Little Me proud.
I want to give back the way I was poured into.
I want to empower others the way I was empowered.
I want to open my home the way mine was always open.
I want to be surrounded by good people — people who lift each other up.
I want to hobby the way I used to when I was a kid.
I want to grow tomatoes because that’s what my grandpa taught me.
I want to bake because that’s what my mom loved to do.
I want to host gatherings, laugh loud, and love big — because that’s how I was raised.
I want to show up for my town the way my hometown showed up for me.

For so long, I chased the next big thing — the title, the new city, the fresh start. But now, all I really want are my roots.
To shape the world the way it shaped me.
To come home — not just in location, but in purpose.